“Well, if ya’ll could just fu*k off, that’d be great.”
That was my mantra for last, let’s say, ten days. Not even once have I said it out loud. What I DID say out loud was: “Well, you can tell M. I told him to fu*ck off. ” and then I walked out. I am pretty sure I would’ve been unemployed from that sentence on, even if I didn’t walk out. Since M. was my boss.
FFW, I am in Jasper, AB, Canada now. I have packed my bags in the speed of light, rushing to get some time for myself, as if the mountains will isolate me from the world completely, giving me so much needed me-time. For the first time in a looong long time, I have planned zero itinerary, made no arrangements, nothing. Just me, myself and I.
I have already mentioned I had a difficult year. I am not using word “bad” intentionally, because that would be completely and utterly incorrect. Travel wise it was an amazing year, and travelling is what makes me happy so no matter what, I have no right to complain. But emotionally… Boy, 2015 was a roller coaster. I can’t even…
I have lost friends, I was let down by people close to me and I got my heart broken. Twice. I have made (work wise) some of the (now that I look back) stupidest mistakes you could ever imagine. I tried correcting them making choices that were even worse. I have ignored my intuition more times that I could even count. I guess I could just say that 2015 was a year of plans that went wrong.
So for the past two weeks things just… Culminated. People around me became ridiculously demanding and energy sucking. All of them. Asking hundreds (not even joking) unnecessary questions, taking my time over dumb whatnots (is this even a word? didn’t think so). More, more, more. I got so tired of people not caring. Truth to be told, I didn’t even want them to care. I just wanted to be left alone. Me time. Peace. Quiet. Mountains.
Even though one part of me wanted to peel of my skin this morning when my phone died, one part of me was relieved.
I am enough of a grown-up to know things don’t always go smooth, and that’s fine. They don’t need to. Life is not supposed to be a flat line. Also, if you make thousands of plans and set the bar super high, you can bet with your life that at least something is gonna go wrong. Like I already said, I can give you some very fresh and convincing examples.
But you know what? I learned so much this year. About who I am, what I want and what I expect in people. I learned how not to get hurt by people that don’t matter. I left some things behind and, as soon as I did that, new doors opened, with smiling people inviting me to embrace changes. For every wrong, I got something right. So, no, it can’t be that bad. It isn’t.
While I am sitting here, surrounded by mountains, watching the Christmas lights flicker over fresh snow and letting some steam off, I have a dilemma to solve.
Can I afford to go snowboarding? I am Jasper on a budget. Pretty tight one, too. Let me remind you I am jobless right now. I have two courses I need to finish soon- TEFL and tourist guide course, both planned for February. I have one month of volunteering in Thailand coming up in April. In order to work in Elephant sanctuary (Thailand) I need vaccines. Expenses, expenses.
And even though, I am trying to be a responsible adult, I can’t stop thinking about the fact that I do have a bit (really, a bit) of money saved and I might be able to get some new jobs after Christmas. And even though, Thailand and baby elephants are by far my biggest wish, I can’t stop thinking-where and when will I learn snowboarding if not in the great Rockies? No mountains could ever compare to these. I have wanted to try snowboarding for a while now and never really had the opportunity. Is that time now? What if I get no better opportunity then this one? Will I ever be one of them super cool people I see in airports, carrying their colorful snowboards? Sigh.
Rewind to many dumb decisions I made this year, without even blinking, just to have fun an indulge myself. YOLO and rest of the Nonsense crew. O-oh.
So snowboard or not, that is the question now. My phone died this morning. I need a new one. I do not want to risk any of my future plans. Failure would leave bitter taste in my mouth. I also do not wish to have any regrets about this place (as Canadian Rockies are now officially one of my fav places in the world and, four years ago, I promised myself a life without any regrets). What to do? Have in mind- snowboarding is an expensive sport.
Being adult is so much fun, eh?
I will just sit here in peace and quiet with my pudding in my Minion jammies being an adult and making adult decisions.
Until I actually make some,
Lots of xoxoxo and smiles all around,
P.S. Santa came earlier this year. That, and my friend got me private lessons on the hill as an early Christmas present. I. Am. Happy.